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Saturday, October 13, 2012
This is stupid. I shouldn't feel this way.
Why am I like this?
I don't want to sound arrogant or boastful.
In fact this it's totally the opposite.
I want...someone to care about me. To think of me when I'm not there. To treat me the way I treat them.
I try so hard. No. I don't even try. I just do it. Why? I have no fucking idea.
Why do I always go out of my way to help others? It's not even my responsibility. It's not my job. It's not...fair. I always think - people who are genuinely nice...genuinely just awesome...do they ever get tired of acting so nice or going out of their way for someone around people who don't treat them the same way? They must.
Because I do.
I wish I didn't feel this way...but I just wanted to be treated the same way I treat others. That's all.
Is that too much to ask?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
I was wondering this to myself in the shower today, after my parents bitched at me and the whole family went to Osaka to eat lunch... "Why the fuck do I even try?"
You will never, ever, ever stop comparing me to her will you? You will never stop being the big ass hypocrite that you don't even know you are.
I have been trying trying trying my hardest to live a more normal lifestyle, and moving into her room has helped me. But you guys don't notice the small improvements that I've made. Instead, you notice the empty dish bowl that I had just finished using 10 minutes ago and then yell at me for being messy again.
So you know what? Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck the older daughter that everybody loves due to her looks.
You ask why I can't be responsible for my life? Okay, say that to the 4.5 GPA that I got last semester for you. Say that to me going to the library every Sunday to work on my ACT. You ask why I can't be more like her? Okay, so you WANT me to drink all night and party and have a 3.4 GPA? Do you WANT me to lie to your face about going to a friends house while I'm really going to a drinking party?
Sorry, I didn't inherit her good looks, her charming personality, her ability to hook up with boys. I inherited the ability to play instruments, dance, do art, get good grades, and everything that you don't give a shit about. Still...is it too much to ask for a little recognition?
Yea. Why do I even try anymore.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I just had an epiphany.
This year fucking sucks.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I loved this week :) It was so amazing.
I haven't laughed or enjoyed myself so much since Friday night. Breaking dawn was as good as I had expected it to be, and playing truth or dare in the dark at 10pm after snacking on MickyD's was awesome. Black Friday shopping was such a blastt with my homegirl Vicki, and then spending almost 24 hours with her was also very amusing ;)
I am most grateful...so so grateful...for my mom. I don't know what I'm going to do in college. Probably wallow up in despair from the lack of mommy hugs :( I've been telling myself these past few days that she's going to be okay...and I really pray that her surgery goes well. I love you so so much Mommy <3
Oh. and school sucks.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Bitch please. xD
Thursday, November 3, 2011
This post gets no title. OTL.
The situation is almost laughable. So laughable that it's kinda frustrating. Am I making sense? Probably not.
Why jump to conclusions? Why not just ask someone if they're mad at you instead of talking behind their backs? Why not just say what you're feeling? ...Why haven't I done ANY of this until recently? Gawsh. I'm so retarded. It feels good to talk in person, instead of ranting TO someone about another person.
Humans should just love each other. Yea?
And then there will be those who find this simple blog post, simple thread of thought, to be offensive, and then rant on it secretly in their mind. --> *Pictures a lady with crazy hair, black lipstick, feverishly scribbling into a notebook mumbling to herself and occasionally laughing like a madman*
And believe me, I'm not mad at all. I find this whole thing acutally very amusing xD
Well, we all have faults. I know what I should've done better and I'll try to improve. I'm sorry if you felt awkward or felt the need to rant behind my back, yet put on a regular face in front of me. It must of felt really uncomfortable >_< But I do feel proud of myself for not posting an angry rant; that's what I would've done before. Thinking that I can control myself and hold back what I want to say has pushed me to actually doing it. It's da bomb-diggiteh :D
Have a fantastic life everyone <3
Looking at you, shriveled up in that cramped hospital bed... It brings back old memories. Memories of opening up Christmas presents around the living room, discovering a Minnie mouse toothbrush cup that I still use today...You always babysitting Calvin when he was little...
I know I haven't talked to you, or seen you in a while, but seeing you...helpless on that bed...It hurts just thinking about why I'm visiting you. Why you though? Why couldn't it be some bastard who raped and killed a gazillion people? Why did it have to be you, when you're so goodhearted and loving? I hate really really hate this. I really really hate cancer.
And I find it sick and revolting that I only felt this way when I heard the bad news. I've taken so many things for granted and its just sad to think that humans live this way. So fucking disgusting.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The moment that you knew was coming...but just didn't want to acknowledge that it finally came
We've been through so much...and you're quitting now? Pathetic.
I feel so alone where I stand. What happened to commitment? What happened to not giving up no matter what?
My passion is still there. If yours isn't anymore, then I don't have anything else to say.