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Saturday, December 4, 2010
Sudden frustration that I just had to spew out.
I don't want to be here anymore. I want something else..someone else.
I want to be out of this zone. Out of this friendship. Maybe just for a while? Until I find myself. Until I know who I am.
How and can I seek for help? But I don't want to deal with the person that'll be so annoyed with how frustrated I am. And yell at me? Tell me to shut up and go away?
I want to do something, don't do it because of the known consequences and experiences from before..
but then why is the reaction different from another? I'm so confused. So frustrated. So goddamn annoyed.
So many times, I want to escape and just float to the clouds and stay there forever.
I just want to be in a white room. No walls, no people, no sound. Just me.
I want to clear my mind and imagine myself in a world that doesn't exist. Just my world.
Why do I even blog? What's the point?
What happened to 8th grade, when I'd actually talk to someone face to face when I had a problem with them? What happened to talks like that? Talks that happened in the small violin room in the orchestra during lunch, and in the small corner during and after recess?
Why can't I go back to Kennedy, when I knew who I was, when there weren't so many changes, when I was cheerful and happy with the friends I've made and who I was?
I think, if I could go back and relive Kennedy with the knowledge I have now that's affecting me, I'd be much, much happier.