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Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Have you ever truly cried for someone you cried about?
That happened to me yesterday. I finally realized yesterday, that the only person I truly love and care about, deep down inside, is my mom. Perhaps it's because she gave birth to me, or because she's my ultimate best friend.
I think this way because, yesterday, when she cried, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Literally. My chest was hurting so, so much.
And when she was crying, crying while she was driving me from school, I mean....just imagine. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the person who has provided to much for you...cry while she's driving, wiping her eyes while driving, and saying with a thickened and choked back voice, how her oldest daughter treats her like a servant?
Crying, because her oldest daughter decided to choose her boyfriend over her family? She chose to drive her boyfriend home from lunch, and refused to drive her sister home from school. Instead, my mom had to, JUST as she was about to enter Sam's club to buy food that she hasn't had a chance to buy in weeks, TURN AROUND, and drive 15 minutes back so she could pick me up.
The first thing I did when she dropped me off at home was go to my room and cry. I hate my sister.
I've thought about what you said. Really, really thought it over.
I'm sorry. I was out of line. And right before I clicked enter, I knew I was out of line. So why did I click enter? I don't know.
I wanted to say sorry right after I pressed enter. But what was in the way? You were right. Pride. Not wanting to admit it.
I agree, I'm selfish. I want what I want. But who doesn't? (That's no excuse, but I'm just wonderin here)
I thought back to times that I could've been selfish, and found myself thinking for a long time.
You were right, and thank you for correcting me. I didn't realize how selfish I've been, and I'll try to change.
But I don't agree with you in the aspect of missing work. I really don't. I agree with you that I'm a selfish person, but I did what I felt was right for me that day. I don't wish that I could take it back and go to work instead of studying for my tests. I talked with my family, my mom, my sister(before I hated her), and they agree with me. Jolene, who goes to work WITH me, agreed with me. I did what I had to do to get a decent grade, and as for me right now, numbers are important.
I admire you. I admire how you have the courage to tell me something like this. I'm still looking for that courage.
Thank you so much, for making me see myself. I've missed you, and I'm sorry.
HEH. One more day of finals. Just had to get this out of my chest. Good luck everybody, and Happy Holidays!